Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
