remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
