We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
