ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
