yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
