I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
