Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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