I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
