i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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