is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
