i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We had sex on a dog bed..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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