Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
