this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my poor anus
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
