I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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