if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
