The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
worst night to have a conscience
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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