you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
