who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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