I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
