I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
