Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just found puke in my bra..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
