I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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