he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
