Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
