Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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