i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
