Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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