is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
