need another drink. this is the easiest way
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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