I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
