it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
