For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
