her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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