yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
