Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
