remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
