ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
