I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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