Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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