I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
