There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
