he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
