The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
