They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
