I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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