a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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