She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
