when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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