Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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