david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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